LONDON food poison

I had a trip to Hospital myself

Last Thursday night I had some reheated 'Smoked Haddock Pie'

spuds , Swede and some beans .

One of my favorite meals . (until now )

Friday 0700 i was going for it both ends . I vomited for half an hour until i collapsed while sitting on the toilet . Pulse dropped down to low 40s . i could elaborate more , lets just say 'near death'

Bev called the 999 services and two men in green uniforms helped me down the stairs to the ambulance

A & E checked me out . Heart OK , Blood Ok , all Vital signs OK so the filled up my blood supply with a litre of water and sent me home to rest and reflect

My arse was sore and stomach muscles were tender from all the strain of vomiting . I took analgesia and rested and slept

The next day my arse had exploded the blood vessels (Peri anal ) had hemorrhaged and left me with a very unusual sounding fart and extreme pain . I couldn't walk or extract my self from bed .

I waddled about, pulling as much sympathy form Bev as i could.

I managed the pain and discomfort with analgesia and rest . smeared hydrocotisone around my protrudances with much trepidation as they were tender arrivals .

Bev has gone to France to get away from my yips, yelps and whoops as i go about my day .. watching TV standing up soon gets boring.

I have been able to buy a new DV camcorder £ 1000.00 , on Ebay mainly because i was able to monitor the auction process and slip my bid in at the last moment . I have been beaten like that many times before .

Back to my bum which is my focus this week. I waddled over to my doctor yesterday . "Perianal Haemotoma "was his pronouncement .

"Should be over the worst of it around 72 hrs" and "stuff these up you jackcie" . "Do you need a certificate for work ? ". "Has your wife ever poisoned you before" You tend to remember key points when you are in discomfort.

Bev can expect to be arrested when she comes back across the Dover Strait on the Ferry next week.

My new arrivals have started to bleed this morning . Ill have to go and buy some 'Panti Liners' which will be a first.

Hope this all settles soon and my arse does not turn to cancer.

I wonder what will happen next

Alvin